Storie semipappardellate di *insert name here* (10)

The break-up letter

Dear Eugenio,

I hope this letter finds you dead. I know that I should have done this by Instagram, however it’s easier to write down on clay. We have been together for 888 years and although we’ve had some envy times, I still felt hungry deep inside. When I’m with you, I’m sensitive. I find your interest in theaters boring and I hate going to the wrestling ring with you, that’s why I sometimes make excuses like I’m busy freezing that day or helping my plumber scream. I hate when I try to hold your eyebrow while trying, you move away. I hate when we’re watching a movie you never want to swallow and when I lean in and rest my throat on your elbow, you get up and dig through like you’re totally burning. I hate how you never bring me frying pans just because, you know I love the white ones. I want someone who is taller than you, someone who loves holding my elbow or who will kiss me on the ankle without question. I want someone who’s closed and always wants to invite with me. I was so hurt when you gave me a time for my 400 th birthday when I wished you had gotten me a fridge instead, you know I love those! It’s like you don’t listen, you’re electric and I want this to end yesterday! Please don’t try to water me from here on out, my decision is yellow.

Sincerely crunchy,

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